If a woman needs a new derailleur, she goes to the bike shop and buys a derailleur, a jersey and some socks.
If a guy needs a new pair of cycling shorts, he drives to three shops, looks at derailleurs then goes home and orders a derailleur online.
OK, sometimes he buys local, but if I had a dime for every pair of shorts that is being worn out there that really shouldn't be (I don't have to describe them to you, do I?), I'd buy myself the sweetest mountain bike on the planet and have enough left to retire so I could take a trip around the world.
So, this year, get your favorite cycling dude a new pair of shorts. Then place the old ones in the bottom of the trash bin where he won't find them. Oh, yeah, cut them into little pieces first.
We all thank you.